There are dozens of car events and experiences in the world. Every one of them has some unwritten rules that nobody tells you about that help you stand out or fit in. Here’s the cheat sheet for the uninitiated. 

Cars and Coffee

It's just past zero dark thirty in the morning on a Saturday. There wasn’t time for coffee because you had to get in the paint wipe down that eluded you last night. The bleary eyes greeting you suggest that nobody has had their coffee yet. But smiles abound as you look around. Somehow there are already forty cars arranged in neat rows of spongy grass field. Welcome to Cars and Coffee, the gateway drug of car enthusiasm.

The rules are simple. Show up. Park where they direct you. Walk around. Talk to people. Soak up the great sheet metal. No entry fee, no judges, no trophies. Just cars and, if you’re lucky, some coffee.

The one rule ignored by certain pony car owners: don't be the guy who tries to show off on the way out. There's always that special person who needs the applause. Everyone films it. A puff of exhaust. A cloud of tire smoke. The distinctive sound of wheel rim meeting curb, pole, or road sign. The awe of the crowd. Then snickering. Don’t be that guy. Just roll out quietly, secure in your knowledge that the teenagers with the cameras will enjoy the view of your car just as much without the pole sticking out of the passenger side window.

What to wear: Whatever favorite car t-shirt you slept in, plus shoes. Serious automobilia means you might be trying just a little too hard.

Concours d'Elegance

A concours is what happens when cars dress to impress. Regardless of the number of figures in the valuation, cleanliness and presentation is the order of the day. That $35M Ferrari? Had a nice chat with the owner. Same for the JDM Supra and the nearly original BMW 2002. These owners are shockingly approachable and love talking about their cars. They did not trailer a 1937 Bugatti across the country because they wanted to be left alone. They are here to be surrounded by their people.

The ironed polo shirt caressed the underside of his fender with a pristine cotton swab, erasing any trace of dust that may have adhered during the achingly long 25 meter drive from the enclosed trailer to the show field. A worn pair of Carhartts and a lit Marlboro slowly runs an old dishrag over the chrome bumper of his gorgeous '69 Camaro. Trophies are headed to both of them today. And you get to enjoy a quick chat with them both.

The golden rule at a concours: don't touch the cars. And definitely do not sit on them, in them, or even near them. Corral your children and pets. Some of these folks have spent the prior forty or fifty hours making every detail perfect. Your fingerprint isn’t part of the picture. 

What to wear: Present yourself as you want to be seen. Smart casual to "I own a yacht." Either extreme plays fine although it also may predict the quality of your conversations. We recommend a sports jacket.

Track Days

Your first track day will break you. Not the car. It will be more than fine. You. Because once you've driven a real circuit at speed with an instructor calmly telling you to brake even later and “don’t coast - full gas to full brakes”, you can never go back to your prior thinking that you're a good driver on public roads. You're not. None of us are. The track will teach you this in about four laps. The ride-along with your instructor will be life-altering.

Even within track days, there is a wide range of experiences depending on the organizer and your level. Novice groups put an instructor in your passenger seat who will point at things and remain impressively calm while you miss every apex. Intermediate lets you loose on your own with some rules about passing. Advanced is for the serious people who are sometimes not that fast and often ridiculously fast.

There are some hidden costs beyond signup. You’ll soon realize that your “high performance” tires are trash and need replacement. Seven miles per gallon is about right at wide-open-throttle. But the real cost: the addiction. Ask anyone there. They'll confirm this as they tell you about all the events they have planned already this season and how many sets of tires they own.

What to wear: Long pants, long-sleeved shirt, closed-toe shoes, and a helmet. Bring water (way more than you think you’ll need, lunch and snacks, and sunscreen. And an umbrella and a trash bag to shield the contents removed from your trunk from rain.) Most organizations have loaner helmets if you need one until you decide which one you want to buy. That ego you brought with you will not survive the day.

Swap Meets

A swap meet is organized chaos spread across several acres of folding tables, tarps, and cardboard boxes. There are aromas of old axle grease and it may have been used to cook some fries. The guy next to you is selling a complete set of Weber carbs. The guy across from him has a box of rusty lug nuts for two dollars. Both of them know what they have.

Finding what you want is a challenge. Seeing the bright yellow mustard slowly oozing down from the greasy hot dog to his checkered short-sleeved button down, that might be the sign that you finally found that $40 part you’ve been chasing from swap meet to car show for the past two years. You will clearly buy three things you don't need. You'll carry them around for two hours wondering why you bought them. They will do an excellent job holding up the dust in your garage for the next few years.

Bring cash. Haggling is expected but don't be a jerk about it. Wear walking shoes. Your motivation to keep moving on to the next treasure will be on high alert.

What to wear: No one cares.

Rallies and Drives

An organized drive sounds simple. A group of cars follows a route together through nice scenery. How hard can it be?

Harder than you think. Someone will miss a turn within the first ten minutes. The group will split into two groups that can't find each other. Someone will be “driving in a very spirited manner.” Someone’s car will overheat. The lunch stop will be the best part of the day and for the next six months it will be the greatest adventure of their lives.

Rally types range from the casual Sunday cruise to time-speed-distance competitions where you're penalized for arriving at checkpoints too early or too late. Some involve charity, some involve costumes, and a rare few involve speeds (or should involve speeds…) that would make your insurance agent cry. Ask about style up front. Pick the one that matches your comfort level and your car's reliability. In that order. And then re-choose based on your passenger’s comfort.

What to wear: Driving gloves are a tad much. Don’t overdo it unless you are really trying to make friends and don’t mind the jokes at your expense. Aim for comfort.

Cruise Nights

Every town has one. A diner, a drive-in, a parking lot somewhere. Every Thursday or Friday, the cars show up. Classic American iron, mostly. Big blocks and chrome bumpers and the smell of burgers from next door.

The atmosphere is pure nostalgia. Lawn chairs are out. Kids are running between the cars while their parents tell them not to touch anything. You'll see a car identical to the first one you ever loved and for a minute you'll be seventeen again, standing in a parking lot with nowhere to be and nothing to worry about.

Everyone and everything is usually welcome. Your Miata can park next to a '57 Chevy and nobody bats an eye.

What to wear: What you would wear to a parking lot. A car-brand t-shirt perhaps - but choose wisely.

Auctions (as a Spectator)

Go to an auction before you ever bid at one. Leave your wallet back at your hotel room to eliminate your weaknesses and safeguard your financial future.

An auction floor is part casino, part theater, part fever dream. The auctioneer is charming the crowd. The spotters are pointing. A car you saw online for $40,000 just sold for $78,000 because two guys in the back couldn't let the other one win. The energy is intoxicating and contagious and specifically designed to separate you from rational thought.

The regular, experienced buyers sit still while everyone else twitches. They decided their max bid before they walked in and they will not move past it no matter what the room does around them. There are good deals and people getting fleeced. Discipline is the difference between buying a car and buying a very expensive mistake.

If you and your money are soon parted, let’s hope that you’ve also got 15 to 20 percent above the hammer price for buyer's premium, transportation, and title transfer. 

What to wear: Anything from jeans to a three-piece suit. Nobody is looking at you. They're looking at your paddle. And then your wallet. Upscale comfort here is usually the move.

Car Museums

A car museum is the quiet church of automotive enthusiasm. No one is revving anything. You're just standing in front of something beautiful and letting it wash over you. Maybe you’ll have a quick convo with the person next to you about tires or a particularly well-executed taillight.

The best museums tell stories rather than just displaying sheet metal. They put a car in context with memorabilia. Who drove it. What it meant. Why it mattered. What came before and after. The docents at places like the Audrain Automobile Museum in Newport or the Revs Institute in Naples know things that aren't in any book and they'll share them freely if you just ask.

Museums are also the secret weapon for bringing non-car people into the fold. Your spouse may not acquiesce to standing in a parking lot at 7 AM, but a Sunday afternoon walking through the Petersen in LA or the Simeone in Philadelphia is for nearly everyone.

What to wear: Good shoes and a camera. The cars don't care what else you’re wearing.

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